A Guide To Love Loss and Desperation
by prettylittleravergirl
Summary: Looking at her I couldn't help feeding the gossip mill."I didn't get expelled from my old school for fighting."I lied easly. "I got expelled for sleeping with a teacher." I said as I quickly pulled on my cloths and walked out of the bathroom. Tyler/OC
1. Screwed

* * *

"People like Trish Hartley make me want to blow my fucking brains out." Travis Avers said to me as we sat in our guidance counselors office. "I mean seriously, if I had a chance I would probably hit her with my car." he continued oblivious to the startled look the secretary was giving him.

"You don't have a car Travis." I replied exasperated.

It was a well-known fact that Travis and Trish had what some might call a "destructive" relationship. It was more like them fighting, hooking up, pretending they hated each other, and then hooking up again.

"I'd buy a car to run her over with." Travis said determinedly, his eyes already glazed as he thought about Trish. And a car. God teenage boys are ridiculous.

"Whatever, I think we need to focus a little less on the whole Travis-Trish thing and more on the whole what the hell am I gonna to deal our parents thing." I said impatiently. "I mean I could just explain to them what happened right. They'll understand right? They couldn't have been serious about the whole boarding school thing right? Right?"

For a second Travis looked worried. And that was enough to make my heart pick up double time. Travis never got worried. Over anything. Yeah he got pissed, but never does he worry. He says life to short for worries or some shit like that. But being my stepbrother he knew how serious my parents are about shipping me off. He knew that this one fight could be a catalyst for disaster.

I was so freaking screwed.

"August, I really don't know what to do about this one. You fucked up. You fucked up real bad." He finally said. I let out a deep sigh. I knew I shouldn't have said anything when Amanda had started in on me. But the girl had been calling me a slut. I had to stand up for myself. Get my dignity back and whatnot. Yes I will admit, hitting her hadn't been my smartest move. Well hitting her _first_ hadn't been the smartest move. But something in me had just snapped. That girl had no idea what she was talking about and she shouldn't have run her mouth off like that.

At least not to my face. Rumors I could handle. Hell I thrived on rumors but confrontation, well I just get a little defensive and start doing the things that are about to get me shipped off to boarding school.

My guidance counselors door opened and my mom came out.

One look at her face and I already knew.

I was so screwed.

* * *

I'd been on the plane for an hour and thirty-nine minutes and the nun was still staring at me.

What was her deal? I mean, there are fifty more people on this freaking plane and she decides to stare at me.

Does she know that my parents finally had enough of my shit so they decided to ship me off? Does she know about all the partying, all the drinking, and all the fights that lead up to there decision? Does she know that I haven't been to church since I was fourteen? Does she know me and my step brother once shared a very messy sloppy kiss, before we decided it was just to weird? Does she see that as incest? Oh my god, the nun thinks I'm into the whole incest thing doesn't she! Oh my god she's going to send me to hell. Can nuns send you to hell? Or is god responsible for that?

Okay she stopped looking at me.

Free from the prying eyes of the nun, I turned my attention to the window at my side. The lovely sights from my home were long gone and I could really see anything but clear blue sky. I could just see the plane crashing. Spiraling down at startling speeds as we hit some unsuspecting school. Oddly enough that thought brought me a strange form of comfort. things could be worse for me.

I could be dead.

The voices of my parents we still ringing in my ears. I didn't get any heartfelt goodbyes. Or hugs. Or tears. I got lectures and rants about how it was for my own good. about how it was my fault.

The only one who seemed to care I was going was Travis.

He'd been the one to help me box up all my stuff and ship it off ahead. He'd been the one to help me pack my carry on bags. He'd been the one who had driven me to the airport. He'd been the one to give me the goodbye hug. He was the only one that really cared.

My mom and his dad had just been happy I wasn't there problem anymore. No more coming home to a trashed house because there daughter had thrown a party and was to hungover to pick up the mess before they got back. No more getting called at work by the school to tell them that there daughter had been in another fight, that there daughter had been caught smoking, that there daughter was failing some of her classes.

The funny thing was I don't think they would have sent me away if that last fight hadn't gotten me expelled. I think they may have used the threat a few more times before following through with it.

Now I'm on my why to some private privileged school in Ipswich, Massachusetts. When they told me where they had enrolled me I had of course looked it up on the Internet. And considering I was an expelled senior who was barely maintained a 2.0 average I'd been surprised they had let me in. I'm pretty sure my parents had to make a more then generous donation just to get me in. But anything to get rid of me right.

I felt the familiar feeling of loneliness wash over me. Sighing I leaned back forced myself to get over it and went to sleep.

* * *

There were people everywhere. Flooding from the school, shuffling around the dorm buildings, getting in and out of there cars. The unfamiliar feeling of nervousness swept though me as I collected my bags from the taxi and made my way to the Provost's office where I would collect my schedule, room assignment and have a talk with the old Provost himself.

Luckily for me I found the heads building quickly and made my way in with only a few curious glances from the people walking around.

Walking into the office I greeted the elderly secretary with a brief smile, showing off years of orthodontia.

"Hi, I'm August Swayer. Um...I was told to come here when I arrived." I told her hesitantly. She beamed at me. She had one of those really nice smiles. Sure her bottom front teeth were slightly crooked but it was a smile that instantly made you relax.

"Yes dear, Provost Higgins has been waiting for you just go on right ahead." Her soft voice replied. I smiled once again completely at ease, and completely unprepared for the stern looking frowning man in the office I was ushered into.

He was sitting in one of those really nice looking but extremely nosy leather cars behind a huge desk that made him seem like he was the freaking President or something.

"August Sawyer I presume." The scary man said to me with a huff.

"Yeah, yes, sir, yes sir I'm August." I said trying to avoid the death glare I was receiving. Okay, back up what did I do now.

"You're late." He said gruffly.

"Oh well traffic was...not good..." I said not really sure what to say. Was I supposed top be here at a certain time?

"Let's get one thing straight Ms. Sawyer you are here because of your step fathers influence. I will be keeping a sharp eye on you and one mistake Ms. Sawyer one and you will be out of this school faster then you can blink. Do you understand me?" Whoa. I'm guessing by influence he meant money and I guess the school needed that? I mean I know my records bad but this guy was acting like......, well he was acting like my mother.

"Yes I understand." I said timidly, not wanting to give him any reason to go all evil again.

"Well, with that said here are you keys, class schedule, and room assignment. And Miss. Sawyer, believe me, if yo do something wrong I'll know about it." He said as he shuffled the papers around on his desk and laid my things in a neat little pile in on the front of it.

I merely nodded as I grabbed my things and rushed out of the room as fast as I could.

"Okay, so basically the principle already hates you. But it's okay, if you don't do anything you won't go through that again." I said aloud to myself as I scanned the paper that held my room assignment. I walked over to the student dorms not really caring about the people still milling about. I just wanted to get to my room and near my stuff as fast as possible.

Glancing at the map I held in my hand I made my way up to the floor where my room was located. And after a few minutes of curious looks and hard stares I found it. Room 302. Sweet.

Filled with relief and a little bit of homesickness I opened the door taking in the room I would be living in for the next few months. And was completely unprepared for what I saw.

* * *

**Well here's a new story. I'm probably gonna regret posting this but I just couldn't get it out of my head. **

**Prettylittleravergirl**

**Music I listened to while writing this:**

**The entire Hollywood Undead Cd.**

**damn they're amazing**


	2. You Gotta Love High School

**Disclaimer: I don't own and this will be the only time I say it.**

* * *

It was a lot nicer than I expected. Very roomy.

One side was completely stuffed full of posters and cloths. The bed heavy with bedding and a few stiffed animals.

The other side, my side was completely bare. My boxes were neatly stacked against the harsh white walls. The bed had nothing on it.

Unless you counted the two people having sex of course.

And it wasn't like they stopped when I walked in either.

I doubt they even heard me, coming from the sounds they were making. And even though my face was rapidly heating up I couldn't stop my self from bursting into laughter.

Not your average oh thats funny laugh either. But a side splitting, knee slapping laughter that no matter what I couldn't stop.

I didn't stop when the pair jumped apart or when I redhead girl gave out a sharp scream when she realized the door was still open and my insane laughter had attracted spectators.

"Go Aaron!" I heard some guy yell. The girl quickly ran into the bathroom while the guy, who had to be Aaron, quickly pulled his boxers on.

When I finally stopped laughing Aaron had mange to pull on his pants and was picking up his shirt when I heard my voice, still breathless from laughing blurt out in a slightly disgusted tone"Dude, why did you have to do it on my bed. At least hers has sheets on it."

He didn't bother to respond, instead he just gave me a death glare and stomped out the door, shoving the few people still standing around outside. I quickly shut the door. and threw my bags on the floor, no way was I going to dump them on the bed. Not after without many layers of proper bedding first.

Deciding it was better to just leave my room mate alone I stared going though my neatly labeled boxes.

I managed to put half of my cloths into my drawers before she came out dressed only in a bathrobe. Her startling red hair stood out against her pale skin, making her seem more then a little scary..

"I take it you're my room mate." I questioned when she move from the bathroom doorway. She stared at me before a hateful smirk appeared on her face.

"I'm Kira. I take it that you're August. Provost Higgins said you wouldn't be arriving until later tonight."

I thought this over. "Oh well he was all mad because I was late when I saw him earlier." I hate that man I hate that man I hate that man.

"H mm...seems like I was misinformed then." She said in a sweet voice that we both knew was fake.

I shook my head not wanting to respond. I did not like this girl. There was some thing about her that made me want to find her car and slash her tires. I knew whatever I said would have us at each others necks in seconds. And I couldn't get in trouble. Not on my first day here.

It was quiet as she went over to the bed and picked up her cloths. After quickly throwing them on she walked out the door, slamming it behind her not even bothering to say goodbye.

Bitch.

* * *

I was late for class the next day.

After spending the rest of the unpacking my room. I had flopped down on my bed, after flipping the mattress and putting on my bedding, and slept for a little over twelve hours.

Walking into my history class twenty minutes late I heard a loud booming voice say "Oh so the infamous August Sawyer has decided to come to my class after all."

I suddenly felt self conscious. A feeling that I was very unused to.

I had gotten up and immediately thrown on my uniform, while running to class I had tried to tuck my shirt in and put my hair in a ponytail at the same time. Needless to say the results weren't very satisfactory.

"I usually don't accept tardiness but it is your first day and judging by your appearance you did you best to get here on time." He said to me after looking me over.

I grinned.

"I believe there is an open seat next to Mr. Simms. Ms. Sawyer please take your seat." He pointed out the open seat and I immediately made my way over to it.

I sat down next to a brunette boy who didn't look up from his paper. I smiled to myself oddly happy that people already wouldn't meet my gaze.

While the teacher droned on and on I started coloring in my paper. Making patterns here and there. The blue ink from my pen stained my fingers but I kept coloring. Art had never been my thing but I always did this when I was bored. Making different patterns each time, always with blue and black ink.

When I finished we only had five minutes of class left.

Thank god.

I leaned back in my chair, titling backwards enjoying the fact that I could fall any second. I smiled when I felt the seat go back to far, leaning backwards I prepared myself for the fall that was seconds from happening.

Only it didn't. I slammed forward instead and this shocked the hell out of me. It was like someone kicked my fucking chair. I turned around just as the bell rang. People shuffled by me so the culprit remained faceless.

"Hi I'm Sarah." A perky voice said from beside me. I turned my head and looked at the girl who had interrupted my search to introduce herself.

Her pale blond hair was pulled up in a seemingly effortless messy ponytail. Her face was void of makeup and because she was naturally pretty she could get away with it. The Spencer's uniform hung loose off her body making her seem strangely vulnerable. And soft looking.

This was not the kind of person I hung out with. But she didn't seem so bad. So instead of the the disbelieving stare I give some people for talking to me I gave her a quick smile before darting out of the classroom.

I made it through half the day without a problem. The teachers didn't make me stand up in front of the class and tell about myself and I made it to the rest of my classes on time. It wasn't until lunch that I ran into a snag.

I'd gone to my room determined to get a quick shower before my last few classes. I gathered my shampoo and soap and made my way to the showers. I washed as fast as I could and had managed to wrap the towel around me when I heard the first voice.

"She totally blew me off this morning. I was trying to be nice you know. Anyone who can inspire that kind of wrath from Aaron and Kira is automatically alright in my book. But she didn't even say hi when I introduced myself. " Sarah's voice said softly.

Wow, it wasn't really that big of a deal.

"I think she's weird. I mean did you see her stumble into class today. She was late and then she spent the whole class drawing those freaky little patterns. Plus I heard she was kicked out of her old school." another voice said.

I smiled to myself. Damn already a reputation and I hadn't even been here a full day.

"Really." I heard Sarah say curiously. "What for?"

The other girl laughed. A high, twinkling sound. "Apparently she was in a gang or something. She had like twenty fights on her record. And she has a rap sheet."

I started laughing before I could even think about stopping myself.

A gang. I was in a gang. Sweet.

Walking out of the shower I saw the to girls turn bright red.

The other girl was black and startlingly pretty. Her perfectly straight hair fell down her shoulders in glossy waves. Very preppy looking.

Catching her gaze at her I couldn't help feeding the gossip mill.

"I didn't get expelled for fight."I lied easily. "I got expelled for sleeping with a teacher." I said as I quickly pulled on my cloths and walked out of the bathroom leaving two open mouthed girls in my wake.

By the time school was over it everyone knew.

You gotta love high school.

* * *

**Love it,**

**Prettylittleravergirl**

**Music:**

**Same as before because I wrote these two chapters together**


	3. Guys Are Easy

I had already been here for two days and no one would look at me

It was if I had been declared taboo. No friendships were attempted to be made. No one asked if it was really true.

They took Sarah and Kate's word as if it were holy.

Dumb asses.

I knew they talked about me though. The silence I inspired whenever I walked into a room was proof enough of that fact. It never failed to make my day.

I did, of course, have my fair share of horny teenage boys try to hit on me. But I didn't really count that interaction as anything more then....well I didn't really count that as anything.

I enjoyed my new found popularity. It may have been negative popularity but hey at least I was being talked about. Being remembered.

I was making my mark on the world. Making sure I would never be forgotten.

It was kinda like writing your name on a bathroom stall. You know the whole "I was here" thing that most people write if they happen to have a pen handy at the time.

It really wasn't any different. At least not in my mind.

And that was all the mattered.

Friday rolled around faster then ever before.

With no plans and no one nearby to score anything alcoholic from I knew this week end was bound to blow.

Walking to my dorm I tried to come up with at least one thing to do. Read maybe? Maybe get some more Cd's?

Then I saw it.

The package in front of my door.

It was just a regular fed ex package but I knew, I just knew that Travis had sent me something. Something awesome. Something that will make this weekend go by so fast I'll barely be able to stand.

I grabbed it and went into the dark, empty room. Kira hadn't been back since to whole Aaron incident.

At least not when I was here.

Sitting on my bed I lifted it up to my face and tried to guess what it could be. Although nothing came to mind Travis had never let me down before. And ripping open the package I realized he had completely read my mind.

My fake ID fell out followed by a letter that I knew would have the explanation for this miraculous gift on it.

I quickly put the ID on my bedside table and eagerly reached for the letter.

_Dude,_

_Saw this before your mom started going through the stuff you left behind. I figured you had to be dieing so I thought I'd take it unto myself to make sure you got it. Things really suck around here without you. Wish I could say more but even with express delivery I'd be surprised if this made it over there by Friday and I can't shake the feeling you're needing it._

_I miss you,_

_Travis._

Short, sweet and to the point. Damn I missed him. And even though the letter he sent was pathetically small it was still so Travis.

I swear him and me are gonna grow old together. I mean he's the only one who could ever put up with me.

Ever.

Still drinking alone did sound kind of sad to me.

I waited a few hours before grabbing the fake ID and bolting out the door.

I was dancing when the mustang came flying down the road. The bottle of tequila I had bought was already gone so when it pulled up next to my car in front of the burnt out barn that I was at was more than a little surprised.

I was already slightly trashed so when a dark haired boy stepped out of the car I had to stare a minute before I recognized him.

Caleb Danvers. He was pretty much the schools god. What the fuck was he doing here at two in damn morning.

He looked at me when angry eyes. "No one is supposed to be out here." He spat out. His commanding tone frighting in the dark.

The fear didn't register but the humor did.

I laughed. "What the fuck are you doing here golden boy." I asked as my world went a little wobbly.

Driving back was gonna be fun.

"I should be asking you the same question. This is private property, you're trespassing." He said curtly. He gave me a long stare before adding. "Don't I know you from somewhere?"

"No you don't. Now go away, you're ruining my fun." I said, dismissing him with a wave of my hand.

He stared at me for a few more seconds

"You're that new girl August. The one who slept with her teacher." He said more to himself than me.

I laughed. "I did didn't I." I said coyly as I walked up to him. "No I don't think I did."

He gave me one of those what the fuck are you doing looks when I grabbed his arm and pulled him into the light coming of the head lights of my car.

"You Spencer kids will believe anything. I just thought it'd be funny to mess with that Sarah chick and her bitchy friend." I said with another laugh. "Wanna dance golden boy."

He walked closer to me a for a second I thought he actually might dance with me.

"You're drunk." He said impatiently. I could tell I was pissing him off.

"Only a little." I replied with a small laugh. It was just so surreal. No one talks to me and then I just randomly get into an argument with the schools god while I'm trashed. It was like a bad romance novel. Now all he has to do is tell me that he's been watching me and believes he can make my world a better place by dumping Sarah and steering me on the course to the redemption of my peers. We would of course fall madly in love at the end after facing some untold obstacle.

Hahaha.

Yeah like that's ever gonna happen.

He put his hand on my arm and started ushering me back to his car. "I'm taking you home." He said flatly, controllably.

And even though I knew he was looking out for my safety, something in his tone made me snap.

"No you're not." I said jerking my arm back. I stumbled back a little. Looking up into his dark face I was pleased to see that he was fuming.

He grabbed my arms again. "You are in no shape to drive. I'm taking you back to the dorms."

I laughed meanly. "Get you hands off me macho man. I can take care of myself." I said as I pushed him forward. Surprised he stumbled and only barely managed to stop himself from falling.

I grabbed my empty tequila bottle and made my way to the front seat of my car. I was at the door when he grabbed my shoulder.

Pissed I turned around and rammed my fist into his nose. "I said get your fucking hands off me." I got into my car and speed off a little unstably at I watched the figure of Caleb Danvers stare after me in my rear view mirror.

XOXOXOXOXO

I was at my first class early on Monday. Sitting in the seat that I'd pretty much declared mine, I went over my notes from last week. I was sure we were gonna have a pop quiz and I needed all the chances I could get to study.

When a shadow fell over me I immediately looked up to see Reid Garwin's smirking face."August, my man heard what you did Saturday night. I must say I'm impressed."

I looked at him blankly. What is he talking about?

"I mean you got Caleb good and hard. I thought it was haliourious myself." He said as he took the seat next to mine.

Oh yeah. I hit his best friend in the face. Wait. Why was he sitting next to me? Smirking? God he was annoying

"Please go away." I said evenly. Reid Garwin's smirk grew wider if possible. He leaned closer to me as people started coming into the class room.

"You know August, I'm wondering when you're going to drop this whole charade you have going on." He was right in front of my face. One more inch and we could kiss.

I leaned back a little. "Charade?"

"You know, the whole nonchalance, I'm better then everyone here thing you have going on." He replied, moving even closer then before.

" Dude, ever heard of personal space?"I asked him, severely annoyed at his proximity.

He chuckled a little before backing off. "You know most people would kill to be in your position."

I looked at him, more then slightly confused. "What do you mean in my position?" I swear if he was about hit on me I would break his hands. I mean eww....blonds are just not cool. And I'm so over bad boys.

He sighed a little before answering. "You have all of my friends talking about you. Thinking about you. Trying to get your attention." He said while reaching up to scratch his head.

What a second what? The little lover boy gang was doing what?

"I fail to see why this would interest me." I manged to state flatly after a few thoughtful moments. I mean this is what I wanted, to get people to talk shit about me so I wouldn't fade into oblivion.

I was creating my own homemade immortally.

Making sure people wouldn't forget me, even if the things they remembered weren't exactly good.

A little shit eating grin spread across his face a s he replied quickly "And that is what has everyone so captivated. You don't care. You spread rumors about yourself instead of trying to stop the one thats are already floating around. And everyone, especially my group of friends, would like to find out why."

I smiled.

"And how do you know I was making up those rumors doll face. For all you know I could easily be fucking the Provost himself and you wouldn't know about it." I said seductively, one hand twirling my hair. My body going into what I called my tease pose.

Boobs out, head tilted, lips pursed. It made me look like I had the IQ of about 50.

It's never failed at distracting the opposite sex though.

Reid was quiet for the few seconds we had left until the bell ring. The noise that it cause finally jerked him out of whatever fantasies I knew he was starting to have about me. He shot me a completive look before rushing to his own seat.

God guys are so easy.

**A/N:**

**Okay sorry for taking so long to update. I'm in some serious trouble for doing something I would totally do again. Anyway the only reason I'm posting this is because it's 6:50am and my moms day off. About my other story "The Kicks of Passion" I will be trying to find away to update that one also. Thank you for everyone who reviewed. They really made my day.**

**Review!**

**Prettylittleravergirl**

**Music:**

**Future Reflections by MGMT**

**Sex Changes by The Dresden Dolls**

**Modern Moonlight by The Dresden Dolls**


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